It has only been about two months that Kevin and I have been hanging out, but feels like forever because of all the ups and downs we have been through. It has been so difficult....and I have often felt that I am not strong enough to stick with him through everything. We had a conversation last night about the rollercoaster we have been on, and started talking about love. Kevin said that when he thinks of love, he thinks of John 3:16, and quoted it to me, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son...." Amazing love, to sacrifice your only son....I definitely have never been able to comprehend it. He asked me if I knew what love meant. I shared with him some of what I've been studying. I told him that through the hard times, the times he has hurt me, I have cried out to God and asked what He wanted from me. Although people have argued with me when I have shared this with them, I have strongly felt God telling me to love Kevin. That is definitely not something I could do in my own strength....Agape love is something only God is capable of. Kevin told me what he felt from me, the love, goodness, and peace he feels when he is around me. I told him that is not me, but it is God. His response was that God has used me to show him His love, among other things.
This is taken from my Bible Study (Living Beyond Yourself, by Beth Moore) this week:
Agape is divine love. Its only origin is the heart of God. Agape is the love of God expressed through us to others. Actually it is a response more than a feeling. This is the way it works:
- We confront a situation in which God requires us to agape another person
- We admit to Him that we lack agape for this person
- We consider how God would personally respond to this person according to the Scriptures
- We act in obedience and respond as He would
The short- or long-term joy of obedience and the guaranteed effects of His choosing cause a chain reaction of feeling far greater than any fleshly love we could muster. He tenders our hearts toward the person. The relationship perseveres. Ultimately we are blessed to have been the vessel through which a holy God expressed His great love to one of His children. Nothing else is like God pouring agape through you.
Is this how God has used me in Kevin's life? Was this part of His purpose for having us meet? I don't know....Kevin always tells me that he believes God brought me into his life because He knew he needed me and needed my encouragement. He has been through more than I will ever be able to understand....Our lives are quite different. Could God use me in his life? Sure. But I am far from perfect....I have made mistakes....I have not always been a good example. Thank God for His grace, right?
I don't remember ever experiencing as much pain as I have felt this week....the result of more than I can share here....Only God knows what the future holds....and He is good. All the time.
