The C's...

I was going to title this blog "The 4 C's," because that's what it started out as... but I think there are more C's than that... Let me explain. =)

When I came back to America last year, there were four C's that I wanted/needed: carpet, computer, camera, & car. I was able to get the first three, but not the car... until yesterday!!! Even before I got to Arizona, I started looking online for people selling their cars, because I knew I'd need one here. After much frustration and not finding the right thing, I spotted a 1999 Toyota Corolla in great condition with less than 100,000 miles (a rarity among what I had seen). Last week Matt, the guy selling it, drove it over to our apartment complex and my roommate Jeremy went down with me to check it out. Everything looked and sounded clean. We took it for a test drive and I was sold! I couldn't get it for a week though, because Matt was hoping to keep it until he had to leave for New York (because of that, we negotiated a slightly lower price, since it would save him money on a rental if I could wait). Soo, I got it yesterday! I am very thankful, excited, and relieved that I don't have to impose on my roomies anymore if I want or need to go somewhere (although they were awesome about that whole situation). =)

Alright, let me move on to a couple more C's... The first is confusion. It's the story of my life! What to do, what to do? Well, a big situation making me confused is the one with Steve. Without going into too much detail (since this is on the internet!), basically the way it breaks down is that we've known each other for three weeks, and he's sold on me. Yes, we've talked a lot, but we've only hung out twice. He has told me that I have many qualities he didn't think existed in women, I am amazing, beautiful, etc. etc. etc., and that he "doesn't want to let me slip through his fingers." Basically he has said he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. So YEAH. Scary stuff. He is a wonderful guy, but I have some reservations. The biggest being the most important, the spiritual stuff. We've talked about it, and we have the same core beliefs... but in some of our conversations and from hanging out with him, I don't think we're on the same page. That really bothers me. There are other things, but without getting into them, I will move on to the next C...

Commitment. I never would have thought of myself as someone who has commitment issues, but during this year especially, I've realized that I have them. The thing is, I don't even have them solely in regards to relationships, but really I have them in general. I think about it... I only signed up to go to PNG for two years, instead of long term. I never want to make definite plans for anything... just "pencil it in" so it can be erased and changed if I want it to... When I got based in Chicago, I didn't know if I should put in a transfer or stay there... When I got the transfer to Tucson, I didn't know if I should keep it or put in for another transfer... Maybe that's a reason I like this job, is that I don't have to stay committed to one place but can move and keep the same job/pay! =)

Now let's talk the relationship side of things. I think I want commitment, but really, I don't want to be committed to someone... not right now anyway. In the last couple of years, I have been enjoying my freedom... It started before I went back to PNG in 2004. I was thankful I wasn't in a relationship or married then, because I could freely go where God wanted me to. Now, with this job, I'm glad I'm not in a relationship because of the freedom it's given me with all the moving and traveling to different places. So basically, Steve and I have been talking for three weeks and he's ready to settle down. Am I? No way!!!! It makes me want to run... fast. Ooh, maybe I will be like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride! ;-) Let's hope it doesn't get that bad, but it is interesting the way things have played out recently. I'll just say that since I got this job, I have realized that there are more "fish in the sea" than I thought. We'll leave it at that.

To change the subject... I left Chicago on Wednesday morning, giving myself the entire day to try to get back to Tucson. I woke up before 4am, without much sleep, and made my way to the airport. My plan was to fly Delta to Tucson, connecting in Atlanta. The flight to ATL looked ok, but to TUS didn't look so good... Thanks to the grace of God, it didn't take me 20 hours to get back and I got on both flights! =) Kinda ironic, Steve pushed back my plane... I could see him on the ground, because I had a window seat. He didn't see me though. On the flight to Atlanta, I met Rob, who was in the aisle of my row. It was his birthday, and he was on his way to Costa Rica for a few days to hang out with his friends. We talked the whole way, from Chicago to Atlanta! We had some time between flights, so we hung out and grabbed some breakfast at the airport before going our separate ways. Awesome guy, great stories! =) I really liked his hair.

Now I'm back at home in Tucson... at home while I'm on call, flying on my days off! =) It's the good life. It's another beautiful day today, so I'm going to go down to the pool for awhile... Hope that your weekend is a relaxing one! =)