I know....I haven't written for quite awhile. I do have lots to write about. The 10 year reunion. The trip where I had an NBA player as a passenger one day, and worked the polyester to score 3rd row, center stage seats plus backstage passes to Chris Rock's comedy show in Vancouver the next. My trips to Vegas and Hawaii....
Here's the deal. I want to write about things when I'm feeling positive and upbeat, feeling good about life. But I haven't been. If you've talked to me at all in the last couple months, you know that. I have been struggling. I am struggling. Ok....so who isn't? That's life. It happens.
So what do you do when you care for someone so deeply? You love them and want the best for them. Their burdens become your burdens....not because they have placed them on you, but because you have a soft spot in your heart for them. You pray and pray and ask God to bless them every day. Ok, and by "you" of course I mean me, and "them" is really him.
We have experienced so much together....Many ups and downs. We have opened up to each other in ways that have been unique to each of us. It has been amazing and wonderful and a boatload of emotions and experiences that I can't even explain....At the same time it has been so painful.
How do you love someone and let them go at the same time? How do you give them the space they need, but also be there for them?
I know what you're thinking, and if you haven't told me yourself, I'm sure I've heard it before. I have been given more advice than I know what to do with, and you know what? In the end, I'm going to do what I have to, and it will be up to me. You can tell me he's not worth it. He doesn't deserve me. I deserve better. Don't waste my time with him. Etc., etc., etc. I still love him. I care for him so much.
I don't know what to do with it. Just pray. Even when I have lost hope, I still pray....I told him this week, that God knows what we want and need, and He wants the best for us all the time. I need to believe it for myself as well.
I know all the right answers. You probably do too. If only we could all put them into practice.
Thanks for your patience with me....
Til next time....
